REALLY?

What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

Two weeks ago I listened to a youtube video staring Tony Robbins. I'm so not into the life coach thing, but it's interesting to see why I am the way I am.

I still think I'm justified and it has served me well.

The most interesting thing about this video about the 7 things needed was community. I never felt part of a group. Always the outsider. Even when I'm embraced within a group, I don't like what I see and try to change it. But groups don't like change.

But now enters a child without siblings. All she wants are friends. Each friend that selects her, gets her into trouble. They lock themselves into a locker with her in the room and point fingers at her.

She is at fault. She's looking for inclusion and it is pretty funny.

This lead us to the case of the recent bullying on the ice rink. After months of dirty looks, telling her coach, and waiting to talk to her mom, I asked her, a 12 yo  to stop bullying an 8yo.

This was wrong. I know it. Even as the best skater on the team, she was cut.


I'm sort of happy. I wanted to take off a few years and work on FS. Also we are trying to sell our house and relocated.

It's as if there's a plan for us.

Only time will reveal itself.

Plans

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? - Mary Oliver

Life Happens

Why is it when I'm on the fence about something, the outcome always turns out to be exactly what I really wanted? See J'accuse.

My problem is that now I have a daughter. And what I want, may not be what she wants. Or what's good for her in the long run.  And herein lies the dilemma.

It's team tryouts again. Due to circumstances I don't want to get into, I don't want to spend $5,500 (team dues and expenses) to be on the team again this year. We had a great year. However, we did not get along with the team members for this coming season. I was going to suck it up for her sake.  But they beat us to it. She would have been one of the youngest and the most accomplished skater on the team. The coaches didn't like me.

But the team spirit thing is sometimes taken too far. Too many parties, celebrations, little freebies given out by moms who have the least talented children on the team is really so not who we are.

This is why I like test. Tests do not play favorites.

And I can finally say this without fear, there's a team coach who I've never seen wash her hands after leaving the bathroom stall.

Glad I got that off my chest.

A the Comedian

How to deal with bullies and other 3rd grade issues. My name is A. Some people call me Ah. Whatever. At this point I don't really care. I sometimes call myself Ali G. I'm told it's an alter ego thing. I don't really know what that means either. I need Lemony Snickettes to do the explaining for me.

I started school with 24 pencils and 5 big erasers. It's March and I'm negative 52 pencils. I think there's a pencil monster in the ceiling.

There's two kinds of bullies. The kind that demands your lunch money and the kind that does things like "the look". Lunch money bullies don't exist at my school. There's a "no bully" policy. However, "the look" kind is only borderline bullying. The look kind does other things. Like I'll get up from my chair to throw a used and snotty tissue in the garbage and "the look" bully will take my chair. I know this is going to happen. So I fart in the chair before I get up. When I get back I mention to her that "I was sitting there." She says "too bad". I'm not sure if I should let her know that I farted in the chair.

I don't really like the way the teachers treat us in school. When we do something well, they say "good girl". "Here's a treat. Go take a ticket". Really?

Did you ever listen to what teachers say to each other? I would think they would share new teaching methods. "The best way to teach multiplication is to spend all day lining all the student up in 5 lines of 6. But no. They discuss the merits of permanent eyeliner.

Comedy is, as we have said, an imitation of characters of a lower type- not, however, in the full sense of the word bad, the ludicrous being merely a subdivision of the ugly. It consists in some defect or ugliness which is not painful or destructive. To take an obvious example, the comic mask is ugly and distorted, but does not imply pain.*

Going Public Part 2

Friday, March 15, 2013 Note from Teacher to me

Hi M I saw your note in the booklet. We have gone over in class the procedures for doing an essay. Students are not expected to do a perfect job but should try their best and with time and experience, will rise to the occasion. This is new to most third graders and is a bit overwhelming. You do not need to show her how to do it as that our job.

These tasks are very similar to those she will have to complete on the ELA so we are trying to see what the students ARE able to do and help them fill in the gaps as needed. If she does not bring back the booklet when it is due, it is quite difficult to follow along and pay attention when going over the essays in class which is what I was doing Wed. the date the essay was due back. Since this is the first real essay we are reviewing, she should not feel she has to know everything at this point. I sit with each student in small groups or individually to support them as needed.

There were a few students who did not bring back the booklet at all this week which makes it extremely difficult to review in a timely manner. I did speak to the entire class to emphasize the importance of these assignments and how I can help them to be prepared.

Students are writing down assignments in their planners and should be returning assignments on time, unless there is a note. I think that is a reasonable expectation. I do not want the students to think they can bring things back after due dates, otherwise writing down when they are due is quite pointless and does not instill personal responsibility.

In the future, if A has a problem with an assignment, please write me a note if an extension is needed. This has been my policy for many years and was communicated to everyone on Parents' Night. The students are aware of this policy. No one is being "singled out". Students' homework is not marked complete until it is returned. As for the tests they will be sent home today unless the copier is broken. Conferences will be held in April as noted on the school calendar. Notices will be sent out regarding appointments.

Going Public

A came home last week from school concerned she couldn't write an essay. She's losing interest in school. She started in Sept at the 98% and the test in Feb had her at the 96%. We will see what it is in June. And I'll spend all summer getting it back up to Sept. levels.

I sent her teacher an email. March 14, 2013 As we discussed, please send all Aliza's tests home for us to review during the break. It's silly to wait until the end of the year. By that time it's meaningless. If there's a "rule" that doesn't let you show parents completed tests, please let me know. Perhaps we can have a group meeting to review the tests next week.

I want to bring something to your attention. Aliza feels intimidated by you when she asks you a question or when you ask her to do something. She feels she (and a few other students) are singled out for this attitude. Also, for the past week she's been struggling with writing the fable comparison essay. She is at a loss on how to put it all together.

She feels you explained to the class how to do it by reading the question. However, never showed/involved her on the task on exactly how to do it. She's afraid to "bother" you about this because of the intimidation factor. It would be great if you can send me an example of an essay comparing two stories, similar to the one she is being asked to do. Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks. Monica The next post is her response.

boiling water

Paul boiling water on me tonight.

More Quotes

I can't believe I'm about to quote Dr. Phil (or his advisor)

“People that are successful have a strategy from getting where they are to that success. The difference between goals and dreams is a timeline. "Someday" is not a day of the week. You have to work for what you want; not for what you don't want—and I mean every day.”

The defining characteristic of every successful person I've seen: They have passion.” The universe rewards action. Successful people take action towards a known outcome. You can't think about it. You have to do it—and you don't do it for a week or a month. You do it until. Until you get what you want. ” “Winners do things losers don't want to do. Winners are willing to take a risk—they're not reckless, but they're willing to take a risk. And the biggest risk of all is admitting that what you have is not what you want.”

More Epic Thoughts

I'm forgetting to blog A's thoughts. I post them on FB. However, that has a shelf life. At Max & Jacks Bar Mitzvah, N ordered her a Vegetarian Meal (remember she hasn't eaten things with a heart since she was 4.) She was happy they ordered her a vegetarian meal. It was plain brocoli,carrots, fries, onion rings and a piece of plain tofu. I asked her about her meal. She said. It was "winter without snow."

Things to Remember

Remember all the things that mommy taught you. Never say you hate someone you love. Take pride in the things you do, especially your family. ... Don't get angry at the small things; it's a waste of precious time and energy. Realize that all people are different, but most people are good.

Happy 2013

I think I will post facebook page to rally against forced joy. How do I capture the words and thoughts of A? If I remember I will blog them. We were watching the ball drop in Time Square. A says " I thought it would be more... epic. 10 mins later Epic like the best performances of 2012 - Beyonce's I am here. or Coldplay's confetti party. Last week. After an ice skating lesson she said "getting off the ice was my salvation". This morning on our way to school, I can't remember what she said - but I must keep a pen nearby.

SCOTUS and Gay Marriage and Talmud Torah

Back in 1982, the summer I worked as an intern at ERAmerica, a non-profit in WDC trying to pass the Equal Rights Amendment - or rather the extension of the ratification of the ERA, the question of whether the passage would allow gays to marry floated in the air. As an 18yo, I felt it would allow gays to marry. Here are the words: Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex. Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article. Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification. If the world were up to me, I would get rid of marriage totally and make civil contracts for all. If two people who are just good friends without any sex want to make a pack to help each other in sickness or health, it should be the same as if someone gets married for sex. On another level, we learned in High School at a Hebrew Day School (Orthodox) that the reason there are Jewish Laws about Homosexuality is because men would choose men to have sex with and not women. And if this occurs, the breakdown of the Jewish family unit would occur - no one would have children and no one to pass on the Jewish religion. Self Preservation in the highest order. Let's face it - Boys hung out with boys in the Talmud Torahs. I remember the rumors we heard about MTA and YU boys. I look forward to hearing what the SCOTUS has to say.

Where There's Smoke There's Mirrors

I'm following the Patraeus scandal. Petraeus, a now ex-CIA chief, who's impeccable career and is married commits adultery with his young biographer Paula Broadwell. A socialite, Jill Kelly , who take pleasure in telling people she knows know important people in the military, gets a few emails telling her to get off her high horse. Kelly gets annoyed and asks the FBI to look into these annoying emails. The emails were coming from Paula Broadwell’s computer. They search it and uncovered the illicit affair with the CIA Director. Jill Kelly goes under the knife. She’s striped of her honorary titles and her Cancer Charity turns out to be a charity in name only to travel and throw parties. Moral: Where there’s Smoke there’s a hidden agenda. Another life lesson. Stay true to yourself. Don't worry about what other people say. The honest and best will succeed in the end. BTW - Aliza started 3rd grade a 5th grade reading and math levels.

J'accuse

What do you do if someone accuses you of something that is not true and you are not even told who accused you or what was allegedly said? Wow! So much has happened in the past month and most of it was negative. There's someone on A's team who wants her off. I suspect it's the mom with the daughter who practices 12 hours a week, has a team coach, and at 8 is working on her triples. REALLY? Now A is younger and on a higher level than her daughter and me thinks she is just jealous. The problem: someone told "the board" that I said mean things about her daughter's line and her coach. I have no idea what they are talking about. They even asked me to apologize to the coach in question. So I did “I’m sorry for whatever I may have said that offended you”. I don’t know what it was, I don’t know who said it. I’m going to say I’m sorry for the trouble someone else put you through. Here’s a box of you’re a star chocolates.” It was really bizarre. Maybe they don’t want A on the team next year. Several months ago I was concerned that she was not at the level of the other girls on the team. She’s 2 years younger than everyone else. I just don’t want her to get hurt. You put her on this team. We are happy you did. But we would have been happy on the level with girls closer to her age (still would have been one of the youngest). The whole thing doesn’t bother me except A is getting weird vibes. Unprovoked on the car ride home after a training session she tells me the coach is acting like she doesn’t want her on the team. It is true she missed several practices and competitions due to illness and this was her first day back. She’s a smart girl. If she says something like I am alarmed. If you are not comfortable in the relationship between coach and player, accidents are more likely to happen. 1. Should I pull her off the team? 2. Tough it out 3. Move to another team after the season

Going Public 1

A is in 3rd grade at a local Public School. She's in a double class of 45 children and her full-time teachers make close to $120,000 per year. Most all the teaching is done by the assistant teachers or the student teacher. Our property taxes are extremely high. 70% goes to schools. And they high paid teachers don't even teach. What's that about? Monica

Books we are reading

We started 3rd grade last week. So far so good. Lots of reading and writing. We should keep track of the books she's read. The Diary of a Whimpy Kid The Diary of a Whimpy Kid the last straw The Diary of a Whimpy Kid the Ugly Truth Dork Diaries not so fabulous life Dork Diaries Ice Skating Baby Mouse Ice Skating and all the baby mouse books Animal Farm - listening to in the car. Dragondale - listening to in the car. Freindle - Listened in the car Jewish Stories (Saul Bellows, Shalom Alecheim, Singer ect) - listening in the car The Strange Case of the Origami Yoda Lunch Lady series The Secret of the Fortune Wookiee

1000 on the Hapmeter

Yesterday was a great day. Ali was so happy taking her Preliminary MIF test. The best part was she had the ice all to herself. Oh yes, she passed all three judges (only need 1) with a score of 15.2. She was so happy and animated. Joy.

Hap'o'meter

Ali hurt her shoulder at Gymnastic Camp. With no one to watch her, she came to work with me. She was busy drawing and playing computer games. For lunch, we had an outdoor picnic. Before bed, Ali told me about the hapometer. She told me her hapometer was the highest at the picnic lunch. I asked her what else was high on the hapmeter. She said "you know when you have to poo and it comes out or when a fart comes out - that's high on the hapometer. She sounds like an old lady. She was going to bed and I turned the lights off. She asked me to get her the glow-in- the-dark pillow. With complete excitement she told me about this commercial she saw that if nightlights don't give you enough light, you can buy a glow-in-the-dark pillow, covers and sheets. They showed a complete glow in the dark room. It only needed 2 batteries and costs $19 plus shipping and handling. It was so funny that I had tears in my eyes from laughing. So I said my hapometer was high. She asked me if I farted.

Computer Camp

Here's A card to me.
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